Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Funny News Stories

Good week for...

Fantasy, after a married New Jersey mother of two who is obsessed with Bradley Cooper started living her life with a cardboard cutout of the actor, taking it wherever she goes. “While most of us don’t actually live our lives with movie stars,” said Danielle Davies, “many of us wish we did.”

Extreme foodies, after a Bangladeshi soccer fan in Brazil for the World Cup spent $7,000 to have his favorite curry delivered from a restaurant in England.

Puking diamonds, after a Wisconsin woman found her missing wedding ring in the unlikeliest of places: her dog’s vomit. Lois Matykowski lost the ring five years ago, but got it back when her dog, Tucker, gobbled down a Popsicle and promptly barfed.

Bad week for...

Wingnuts, after Oklahoma Republican Timothy Murray said he would contest the results of a primary, claiming that his victorious rival, Rep. Frank Lucas, is “no longer alive and has been displayed by a look-alike.” Lucas said it was “the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a body double or a robot.”

Sasquatch hunters, after an Oxford University scientist analyzed the DNA of 36 hair samples linked to yeti and bigfoot sightings, and concluded they came from bears, cows, sheep, and other animals.

Being locked and loaded, after a vendor at a Pennsylvania gun show accidentally shot a woman in the leg while demonstrating a concealed-carry holster. “I think the dealers were upset because it makes them look bad,” said a witness.

Only in America

A New Jersey woman is suing her former employer on the grounds that commuting during rush hour caused her “great anxiety and depression.” Andrea DeGerolamo, a former employee at Fulton Financial Corp., requested and got a change in work hours to avoid traffic. But when she refused to either accept a downgraded job or work regular hours, she was fired.

An Arizona elementary school forced a 5-year-old kindergartner who pulled his pants down in the playground to sign a document admitting to “sexual misconduct.” Erica Martinez has been fighting to have the sexual offense removed from her son’s permanent record. “He’s a 5-year-old,’’ Martinez said. “He does not know right from wrong yet.”
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