Thursday, October 02, 2014

Editor's Note Oct 2, 2014

It’s been a while since I’ve written for my personal blog. Often I’m just so stressed that I don’t feel like writing. It seems that when I do write I feel a lot better about myself and my life. So I had to figure out how to break my pattern. My cure for writer’s block is to get busy writing. I mean I had to write a lot of work I was never going to show anyone in my personal journal. You can’t wait till you feel like writing or until you have a creative idea, sometimes you just have to force it, to make your fringes move on the keyboard until your brain complies. There’s an old saying that fits. If you want to get something done give it to a busy person to do. I got busy writing in my journal each day and now I’m back on the grind.

I feel likeM3 has been keeping me busy in other ways too. Of all the creative projects that I’ve undertaken, M3 has had the most impact on my life so far. It has not only given me a rich source of valuable experiences (meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, meeting my partner), I’ve also learned how to better deal with conflicts and personalties that clash with mine. Best of all, it’s challenged me to write more than I have ever had to write. Before M3 I wasn’t even into Facebook that much, never used Twitter or Tumblr or Instagram. I was very much closed off from the world of social media. I read the news, but never as intensely as I do now knowing that I must discuss it intelligently in a live broadcast over the weekend.

I started doing the video blog posts because I thought that I couldn’t write any more than I already was. After I had started my journal, it changed my outlook and my endurance of writing. Most of my writing is rewriting, and once I got the habit of writing quickly every day, writing down all the thoughts I was too critical to write, my words started to flow a lot better. I do have to do a lot of editing after the fact, but the ideas are already captured in text. The act of clarifying my words on the screen is quite gratifying. I write because I know that I have ideas to share, and I thought that making videos would be an adequate substitute, but the fact is when I write I think differently than when I speak. I’ll still be doing a video blog each weekend after the hangout, but I want to make the a regular part of my writing schedule. I’ll respond to some of the feedback that we get from the written M3 pieces and talk about the experiences we had in live hangout in a video post.

That’s what’s been so great about M3 and what’s changed it for me from so many other writing projects that I’ve had in the past. There’ve been tons of feedback from our audience. I used to feel like I was reading and writing in a vacuum. I know that wasn’t the case, but the feedback I was getting was so much slower, and I couldn’t interact so easily with my audience the way I can now. Now when I publish an article and Breeze edits it and publicizes it I find myself looking at the comments of readers as soon as it goes up. What’s better is that a lot of the response is positive. Unfortunately, I’m not able to respond to all the posts individually, so creating this post each week will give me a chance to address some of the feedback that we get each week.

Love Bear: On Relationships

This week I wrote about what I thought a relationships is and how many of us get it wrong. We often want to be in a relationship, to be happy, when in all reality getting into a relationship is just beginning of an even longer journey. I can remember those days when I was single. I desperately wanted a partner. I know the feeling of longing to find someone and thinking there’s no one out there. I got feedback from a lot from guys that said the same thing. I wish a had a surefire answer for them, one that would reassure them and give them hope. The truth is finding real love doesn’t start be looking outside yourself. As cliche as it sounds, finding the person who is right for you starts with understanding yourself. You have to love yourself in a way that allows you to be secure in your identity. When someone upsets you, it’s because you feel threatened, or at least the concept you have of yourself feels threatened. But if you’re confident in who you are, the insults of others don’t bother you as much. When you know who you are, you waste less time chasing after men who aren’t interested in you, not because you don’t feel like you could catch a them, but because you know your own value and can recognize when others don’t.

When I look back on my attempts to find love, I feel a bit embarrassed. I made some dumb mistakes over the years. I get a little self-conscious about lies I told myself, about the mistakes I made, about lowering my standards to not feel unworthy. Now that I’m older, and I’ve found someone, someone who really gets me and loves me for who I am, I make it a point to forgive myself for the mistakes of my past and try to pay it forward. I learned a few lessons about how not to love, and that’s what M3 is to me now. It’s me paying forward the gifts that my struggles have given me. I’m not a guru who knows the secrets of love, but I see a lot of myself in those who write me in search of meaning and happiness in a relationship.

I have a lot more growing to do, but part of that journey is to give some back to the world, to say thank you for the wisdom and the pain that thought it. And if anyone else can be helped by my experiences then I think I owe them time it takes to write a few words for them. Thanks to all those who left feedback on the posts. I’ll be working on another article that is about relationships for next Tuesday. Hopefully, I’ll have a first draft by tomorrow night.
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