Whenever I start planning for the M3 Weekly Hangout each Saturday morning I've very anxious. I'm anxious about everything anyway, but the biggest fear is that I will not have anyone show up. People have their own lives, and there is the real possibility that no one will show up except for Breeze. I just never thought he and I could do the show own our own. Part of what makes the hangouts so lively is the number of contributors we usually have. Without any guests where would all the dialogue come from? I'm nervous that we would be there all alone and have to cancel.
It was bound to happen that one of these days. May 3, 2014 was the date. Breeze and I started the hangout with no solid expectation that anyone else would show up. As it turned out I was pretty happy with the way things turned out. James showed up almost immediately after we started followed by Cecil and Tony I'd start a hangout by myself. Breeze was there with me, but I was extremely nervous. I'm glad I had to face that fear because it turned out just fine. I stumbled my way through it like I always do and nobody seemed to notice. I learned that I can face that fear knowing that I've at least one data point that tells me failure is not a certainty.
I sometimes find myself horrified that I'm the one leading M3. James and I started it together and I've had plenty of help alone the way, but from the beginning it was my baby. Now that it's growing up the amount of responsibility placed on me is a little unnerving. Why are people trusting me? I don't really have the first clue what I'm doing. I.m passionate about M3 for sure, but is that enough? Nobody cares more about M3 than I do, and that isn't to diminish how the others care, but it's true. Once I realized that fact I don't get as mad when Breeze and I are the only ones at the start of the hangout. We just do what we can and keep it moving.
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